• Jena

And I don’t even have a lunch lady…

Updated: Feb 20, 2020

For those of you who went to public schools, you may remember the infamous “lunch room”.  The lunch room was actually the gymnasium turned into a massive cafeteria where the entire school gathered for lunch, except for the teachers.  The teachers were released from their duties for about 20-40 minutes.

Enter lunch ladies.  Lunch ladies were like the mini-gestapo of the elementary school.  They directed traffic, served lunch, monitored messes, broke up fights, and chided the kids for not drinking their milk.

They had other duties also.  My lunch ladies always pulled loose teeth.  If you walked in with a hanging one, you left with it in your pocket.  Lunch ladies were not a force to be reckoned with.  If they said, “open your mouth” and suddenly put their fingers in it, you were at their mercy.

In fact, my mother, to this day, insists that all of my loose teeth were pulled by the lunch ladies.

I can’t remember her name, but she was Italian looking, short and plump and rather brusk.  She pulled the tooth that I ended up leaving in my desk at school.

What’s a first-grader to do??  I had to leave a note for the tooth fairy, and hope that her all-seeing eye would somehow “know” that the tooth was in my desk!  And I had a very limited vocabulary, so half of my words were pictographs.   Picture this in a six-year-old scrawl.

Dear Tooth Fairy,  “The (picture of a tooth) is in my (picture of a desk) at (school).  Put the (tracing of a coin) in my (desk). Thank you Love, Jena

Can you believe it?  The tooth fairy DID NOT get a clue and deliver my coin or pick up the tooth as scheduled.

At least my Emily knows her tooth fairy personally.  One of friends  found out that Emily lost a tooth and promptly reached into his pocket and pulled out a nickel.  Since we’ve never done the tooth fairy thing with our own children, we have dubbed our friend Ryan as a tooth fairy (in addition to his other titles like head dishwasher and most recently–job finder for oldest son)

So, Emily lost one tooth, and then she promptly lost two more, and now.. there’s this one front tooth.  It’s right smack in the top front.  It is hanging by a thread–a weak, spindly thread.  You know it looks ridiculous.  I just want to get my fingers in there and yank! but No!

I am not a lunch lady.  I can’t even find a lunch lady within 100 miles of here.  I think I’ll put an add in the paper.

Looking for a noon-time supervisor for a small school, located in the country.  Duties include: serving lunch, breaking up fights, pulling teeth and writing memos to various agencies, specifically Tooth Fairies inc.  No experience necessary.  You will be paid in nickels.

What do you think?  Anybody need a job?


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